By Ted Glover

Vikingsvalhalla.com 

So before I break down the how the Vikings are going to kick the living snot out of the Bears, let me offer a mea culpa or two about not posting more.  I'm trying to finish my Master's, and I'm in the middle of my thesis.  I feel like I'm the Raiders, the Lions, the Giants, and the 49ers all rolled up into one against the Vikings, with the Thesis being the Vikings.  It's killin' me.  And I work full time.  And I have a teenage daughter.  I find when I'm not at work, writing my thesis, or beating my head against the wall about my teenager, I'm drinking.  Quite heavily, and often.  Okay, just kidding.  I don't beat my head against the wall about my teenager.  I'll try and post more, but if I have to choose between intelligent, lively debate about the Vikings, or crawling into a bottle of Leinenkugel's Sunsert Wheat Beer (yeah, it's a 'Sconny beer, but it's goooooooooood), I'm going swimming, boys.  At least until that damn thesis is done.  Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming...  

The Minnesota Vikings make their first 'Monday Night Football' appearance since 1975 opening day 2006 as they take on the Chicago Bears at the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome in Minneapolis.  Game time temperature is expected to be in the low teens, with a chance of snow flurries, which is excellent NFC North football conditions.  But that won't matter, because the Vikings play in the Metrodome, which is as about an exciting a venue as a Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod service is for soul-saving.  You fellow Missouri Synod folks out there, you know what I'm talking about.  For those of you that don't understand, be thankful that you never will.  For the Love of All That is Right, True, and Holy, BUILD A NEW FRICKIN' STADIUM.  But I digress...

What, the Vikings were on Monday Night football last year?  Really?!  Oh yeah, they were, in the first game of the Brad Childress era, against the Washington Redskins.  They won that game, but then essentially stunk for a good part of the year, stumbling out of contention, out of the national spotlight, and into near irrelevancy.  My, what a difference a year and some change makes.  The Vikes are 7-6, currently own the 6th and final playoff spot outright in the NFC, and can knock the defending NFC champions out of contention with a win on Monday Night.  The Vikings are the hottest team in football right now...no, that includes New England.  New England is undefeated, true, but the Vikings haven't been winning, they've been kicking the hell out of people.  Let me repeat that:  The Minnesota Vikings have been kicking the hell out of people, and their games haven't even been remotely competitive.  So, what's going to happen to the Bears on Monday Night? 

When the Vikings have the ball:  The offensive line of the Vikings is the best run-blocking unit in the NFL, but they really solidified when Anthony Herrera was inserted as the starting right guard.  He has been exceptional at sealing off the back side, and Herrera and Ryan Cook seem to have a chemistry that Cook and Artis Hicks didn't have, for whatver reason.  Cook still struggles at times, but his play has steadily improved over the course of the season, and although I will believe until my dying day the Vikings drafted Cook three rounds too early, he's developing into a decent starting lineman, and yes, the Vikes ended up getting the better of the Dolphins in the Daunte Culpepper deal because of it.  The play of Hutchinson, Birk, and McKinnie speak for themselves, and with an injury-depleted Bears defense that ranks a staggering 31st against the run, they should be able to open up holes for Adrian Peterson and Chester Taylor.  I mean, Peterson and Taylor only combined for 2,607 rushing yards and 11 TD's the last time they faced the Bears, and they were running left-handed.  But as good as the running game is, (and there is none better in the NFL), I want to talk about Tarvaris Jackson.  Can I get a WITNESS-AHHHH?!?!?!?!!!!!!!  He has been the reason for this turnaround, not the running game.  I don't think that Darrell Bevell or Brad Childress will admit this, but I believe they've told Jackson that when he drops back to pass that if the primary and secondary guy isn't open, just tuck it and run.  Either that or his progression has gotten a lot quicker.  I think it's the former, but either way, it's working.  Jackson is making fundamentally sound decisions, he has developed a rapport with Sidney Rice and Rice is now his "go-to" guy--anoither key ingredient in how a young QB succeeds, and the other receivers are starting to make plays.  I don't think you'll see Jackson pass for 300 yards anytime soon, but the beauty is that he doesn't have to.  All he needs to do is be efficient, and like Two-Minute Tommy Kramer used to say, "take what the defense gives you".  A prime example was Sunday against the 49ers, early 2nd quarter. The Vikes were at the SF 20 and San Francisco blitzed a corner.  Jackson picked it up, hit a wide open Robert Ferguson at the 9, he made a move on a would-be tackler, and practically walked in the endzone.  17-0 Vikes, game over.  If this is now the norm for Jackson, the Vikings are going to go places, and for a long time.  With the 31st ranked Bears defense (no, not a misprint), the Vikings have to be licking their chops, because Brian Urlacher can't be in eleven places at one time.  But Adrian Peterson sure seems to be.

When the Bears have the ball:  Kyle Orton gets the start for the Bears, and when Orton isn't busy polluting the Internet with drunken pictures of himself and scantily clad hoochie mamas, he manages to suck pretty bad as the Bears quarterback.  Don't get me wrong, I'd trade spots with him in a second, but let's face it--Orton's life off the field is as good as his life on the field is bad.  Orton supporters (read Mom and Dad) would point to his 11-5 record as a starter; everyone else will point to his 51.6 % completion percentage, his 59.7 passer rating, his TD/INT ration of 9-13, and an amazing 2005 Bears defense that carried him like a firefighter carrying a cat out of a tree.  As the old IBM commercial would say..."You make the call!"  As bad as Orton has been in the past, the Bears passing game has been pretty respectable, ranking 14th in the NFL--but that's been with Brian Griese and Rex Grossman at the helm, not Kyle the Drunken Intenet ManHo.  When it comes to running the ball, the Bears traded a legitimate NFL back in Thomas Jones to the Jets in the off-season and gave the rock to Cedric Benson.  That's worked well.  Benson is on IR, but he tore it up with a a 3.4 YPC average before he was hurt, and the "other" Adrian Peterson--who will never, ever be confused with the real Adrian Peterson, is averaging 3.2 yards per carry.  With the Vikings boasting the best run defense in the league, it will fall upon Kyle Orton and the Bears passing game to get it done against the Vikings.  With a raucous, sellout crowd (it better be) smelling playoffs for the first time since 2004, I don't think Orton will be able to do it.  In years past, this looked like a classic trap game for the Vikings.  You know the storyline--favored Vikings team with a lot to play for faces a journeyman quarterback with no chance of success--and the dude goes Joe Montana on them for 350 yards and three TD's.  Not this time.  This isn't Arizona, and Orton isn't Josh McCown.  I know Josh McCown.  Josh McCown is a friend of mine.  Mr. Orton, you're no Josh McCown.  Okay, I really don't know Josh McCown, but c'mon, that was a great line!!!

On Special Teams:  Under no circumstances should the Vikings kick to Devin Hester.  Not on the opening kickoff, not if they're kicking off after going up 70-0, not if the Lord God Jesus were to appear at the 50 yard line and command Brad Childress to "kicketh off to Hester" should he do so.  Well, maybe if Jesus appeared...but that would be my only exception.  Unless, of course, I had broken down game film for 17 hours a day for six days and realized that KICKING TO HESTER IS THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN LOSE THE DAMN GAME!!!!!  DON'T KICK TO HIM!!!  Because as we know, God is a Bears fan and that would be a trick to get the Bears back into the game.  Just ask anyone in Chicago, they'll tell you.  But I know for a fact He hates the Cubs.  Go Cards!!  What, you mean Jesus doesn't care who wins a football game?  Really?  Well, you try telling that to the good folks of Chicago.  And Jon Kitna.

Completely Illogical Prediction:  The Vikes have everything to play for, at home and on national television.  This is their chance to show the NFL that they are to be a feared and respected opponent going into the playoffs.  I don't think they will fall prey to the classic trap game, but this is a divisional opponent and fierce rival.  Because of that, I think the game will be close for longer than Vikings fans want it to be, but in the second half the running game will take over and put the game out of reach.  The Bears will score a late touchdown, but the Vikes win 31-17.

One Last Note:  I would like to dedicate this column to  Mr. Glenn Stefano, Luft Krigare's dad, who passed away on Monday.  Mr. Stefano was a lifelong Bears fan, and I would like to believe that he will have the best seat in the house, on the Wrigley Field sideline with Papa Bear Halas himself, enjoying a beer and some good football.  It's often said that the apple never falls far from the tree, and if that's the case, Mr. Stefano was one hell of a tree, because his son is one hell of an apple, and a guy that I am proud to call my friend.  I never had the opportunity to meet Luft's dad, but I know what my Dad means to me, and how I'll miss watching football with him after he is gone.  This is an especially tough week for Luft, and an especially tough game, so if the Bears win, I'm not going to be too upset, truth be told.  Maybe it's supposed to be that way, and if it is, I won't complain.  Mr. Stefano, this Leinenkugel's is on you.  Godspeed to you and your family, sir, and tell Papa Bear a bunch of Vikings fans said hello, and thanks for making professional football the greatest game in the history of the world. 

And thanks to you for raising one hell of a Vikings fan.